"The House of The Devil" Review

"The House of The Devil"

Directed by Ti West
Starring Jocelin Donahue, Tom Noonan, Mary Woronov, Greta Gerwig, Dee Wallace

RATING
9/10

The idea of horror movies actually existing in modern times that may be considered cult classics is so surreal and uncanny to horror fans, because, let's be honest, most of them still live in the past and enjoy the glory days of "The Exorcist" and "The Shining" without paying much due to new films that are actually just as great. "The House of The Devil" is one of those films, and it blurs the lines between old school and new school scares, just in case the horror fans lash out and disregard the film as nothing more than a fanboy horror filmmakers wet dream, which it is, but in a very good way. Sure, other modern horrors like "Drag Me To Hell", "Insidious", "Sinister" or "The Descent" are all equally thrilling in that they could potentially be future classics within the genre, but I feel "The House of The Devil" is already a few steps ahead of them all.

 

Set sometime in the 80's, this seemingly true story is about a new college student, Samantha, who agrees to a babysitting job in order to earn some money to buy a new apartment. She reluctantly accepts, despite the advertiser sounding very strange on the phone. Samantha and her friend travel to the deep, dark woods until they come across a large house, where they meet the odd owners. As it turns out, it wasn't a babysitting job after all, but a set-up for something much more sinister.

 

Right off the bat, I will tell you the film is about satanic cults. That isn't a spoiler, it's pretty much in the synopsis for every movie website, and literally in the opening five seconds. I don't know what it is about movies that portray some sort of satanic or pagan cult, but it always gets under my skin if done well. Example, the ritual scene in "Eyes Wide Shut" and or the sweet and innocent but mentally unstable community in "The Wicker Man". What "The House of The Devil" does so masterfully is build up suspense to an absolutely frightening height, that watching it feels like you're walking a tight rope. Credit for this goes to writer/director Ti West, who I have confirmed in my books as one of the modern horror elite (which includes James Wan, Leigh Whannell, Scott Derrickson, Sam Raimi, and hopefully Fede Alvarez if "Evil Dead" goes smoothly). The film aesthetically very impressive as it adopts an 80's vibe and tone throughout, even presenting the same grainy and flashy qualities of the cameras used in those times. If I didn't know any better, I would immediately think this was a film made in 1985. And to the films credit, it works surprisingly well given that these events actually took place in the 80's. The exquisite attention to detail is what impressed me the most, especially clothing as basic as "mom jeans" being worn by the teenagers and slices of pizza being the size of a basketball. I don't know if that still is a standard size in America, but it doesn't look as appetizing now then it did back then.

 

As I mentioned earlier, the films strength lies in how well it builds up suspense and mystery. Leading up until the last 15 minutes of the film, the rest plays out like an intricate Agatha Christie novel, only you don't have ten misguided characters playing a game of real-life "Clue". It's only Samantha, the house, and the enigmatic old lady upstairs who keeps to her privacy. Yet it's rich in complexity in a very unconventional horror way. Samantha is a girl whom you deeply care about despite her typically being the joyless bookworm teenager found in most horror films. Her journey through the dark and mysterious places of the house lead her to uncover some horrific secrets, but what West does particularly well is only partially revealing those secrets as he takes his sweet time to unravel the mysteries of this satanic residence. It's a brave juggling act that Hitchcock perfected where not all is shown, and you are only fed bits and pieces, and because of this it keeps on sucking you into the plot. Combine that with a keen directorial eye for the ingeniously intense pacing and atmosphere, and you got a horror film that fires on all cylinders. I won't even get too deep into the last 15 minutes of this film for fear of spoiling anything, but it solidified my fear of satanic cults for the rest of my life, and is undeniably one of the most chilling climaxes I've seen in any horror film. Rarely, pay-offs in horror don't happen as immaculately terrifying as this. Be warned, your guard will be dropped and your sense of security completely demolished.

 

"The House of The Devil" is a modern horror masterwork that benefits from a perfect cast of weirdos, a viscerally pleasing 80's aesthetic, razorblade tension and suspense, and an unpologetically eye-opening climax that will get your heart racing faster than Usain Bolt in a 100 meter dash. If you're looking for old-school scares and a flare for the ominous, "The House of The Devil" is something that should be experienced and remembered.

"V/H/S" Review

"V/H/S"

Directed by David Bruckner, Glenn McQuaid, Radio Silence, Joe Swanberg, Ti West, Adam Wingard
Starring Adam Wingard, Calvin Reeder, Hannah Fierman, Simon Barrett, Jas Sams

RATING
8/10

 

Horror anthology is a bit of a wildcard. Usually it ends up being an uneven mess, or it thoroughly entertains all around. When "V/H/S" was announced, so was a slew of mostly unknown directors, who each stepped up to the plate of delivering something that has never been seen before. Were we to trust these guys? I sure as hell didn't, but after seeing the intense and very violent trailer for it, my mind was instantly changed, and this leaped up to my most anticipated horror movie list of the year, next to "Sinister" and "The Bay". Just so you know, the latter was a massive disappointment. Fun fact: the name of my blog, "Primal Nightmare", came from this film, when a critic was quoted in the trailer of the film as saying "it plays on a primal nightmare level." That's about the coolest phrase anyone has ever used to describe a film. Ever.

 

"V/H/S" revolves around a central story about a group of misfits who go around raping women and robbing people. Then one day they suddenly decide to break into a mysterious house to retrieve some V/H/S tapes that are said to contain some gruesome "snuff" footage. Upon arrival, they discover the corpse of an old man, with a bunch of tapes scattered on the floor. The misfits decide to explore the house while one person waits inside the corpse room, and to kill time, he begins watching the tapes...

 

"V/H/S" is one of the most innovative, fun, and viscerally thrilling horror movies of recent years. What really sells it is the fact that its comprised of many components and parts that never quite mesh together, but always seem to elevate anxiety levels at the perfect moment, delivering scares with grizzly accuracy and stunning catharsis. There are five tapes in total that play around the central story, but each one showcases a tale as strange as the last, until the final tape runs out. What's most interesting about them is they all find unique ways to differentiate the found footage genre, not simply using a flimsy camera but other recording devices too. For example, the first tape is about three douchebags (well, two douchebags and a geek) who go out for a wild party night on the town, and everything is documented by a tiny camera in the geeks glasses. It puts viewers in the first person perspective and makes for a more personal scare. They stumble across a quiet girl with very big eyes and another drunk girl, then take advantage of them by inviting them to their motel room. Let's just say, things don't go quite as planned and a lotta blood is spilt. A lot. It's the perfect set-up for the rest of the film, even if the next couple tapes don't quite reach the high standard set by the first. The second tape (and most anticipated) is directed by Ti West, and is about a couple who go on vacation, but run into trouble while staying in their hotel. Unfortunately, West's efforts are notable, but they don't match up to the rest of the tapes and this one ultimately ends up being the weakest of the bunch.

 

The third tape is a spin on the whole "Friday The 13th" formula, where a group of stupid horny teenagers go out into the middle of the woods to smoke pot and hike, and they expect everything to be okay. Meanwhile, one of the girls has an agenda of her own, which attracts an ominous serial killer to start hunting them down. Only thing is, the way this serial killer is portrayed is very inventive and refreshing. The fourth tape, a webcam episode, is a traumatizing story of a woman whose apartment is haunted by something, which drives her to commit gruesome acts of self-mutilation, all of this happening while her boyfriend watches helplessly. The pay-off? Nothing short of headscratching and confusing, but it surprisingly works. The final tape, however, is nothing short of spectacular. A group of friends dressed in ridiculous Halloween costumes break into an abandoned house only to discover some sinister doings happening in the attic, which causes all hell to break loose. And trust me when I say, this is a display of some heart-stoppingly horrific and eye-opening freak supernatural occurences, and quite a fitting climax that goes out with a bang. It is probably the biggest reason to see this film, if the other tapes don't suit your taste. It's one that will stick with you for quite some time.

 

When all is said and done, "V/H/S" ends up being more than just a horror anthology, and you feel like you've taken away something from this film. I'm still not quite sure yet what that is, but it feels nightmare-inducing. With an array of very talented  upcoming horror directors helming this piece of clockwork filmmaking that always engages but never slips away, it's easy to say that its one of the best horror films of the past five years.  

23 Most Anticipated Films of 2013

 

23 Most Anticipated Films of 2013

 

 

23. “Now You See Me”

Directed by Louis Leterrier

Starring Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Woody Harrelson

 

This star-studded cast unite to tell the tale of a group of Las Vegas magicians who double as bank robbers. They possess some extraordinary abilities, like transporting people across the globe to do their dirty work. Think “The Prestige” meets “Ocean’s Eleven”. It’s even got Michael Caine.

 

22. “Warm Bodies”

Directed by Jonathan Levine

Starring Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, Rob Corddry, Dave Franco, John Malkovich

 

From the director of “50/50” comes… a romantic comedy about a zombie who falls in love with a human. Glad to see this isn’t “Twilight”… I really do like this unique spin on the tale of zombies, it makes for a fresh idea. Hopefully it delivers.

 

21. “Carrie”

Directed by Kimberly Peirce

Starring Chloe Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Judy Greer, Gabriella Wilde, Portia Doubleday

 

This anticipated remake of the 1976 Brian De Palma horror classic stars Chloe Grace Moretz as Carrie, a troubled young girl who lives with her super-religious and possessive mother, and who also happens to have telekinesis. She struggles to be accepted in society, and all it takes is one prom prank to unleash hell on Earth. Given our modern technology, the telekinesis scenes should be a lotta fun.

 

20. “This Is The End”

Directed by Evan Goldberg & Seth Rogen

Starring Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride

 

What do you get when you put some of cinema’s leading film comedians in a “true life” film about the apocalypse? Well, apparently “This Is The End”. It’s quite a big cast, and the potential for comedy gold is at an all-time high. Got high hopes for this one.

 

19. “Monsters University”

Directed by Dan Scanlon

Starring John Goodman, Billy Crystal, Steve Buscemi, Joel Murray, Julia Sweeney

 

Pixar make a triumphant return with a sequel! Yay, right? I mean, it could be good. “Monsters University” is a prequel to their animated hit, “Monsters, Inc”, and joins Mike and Sully in their premature college days. It’s basically Pixar doing “American Pie” for kids. Awesome? I think so.

 

18. “Kick-Ass 2”

Directed by Jeff Wadlow

Starring Aaron Johnson, Jim Carrey, Chloe Grace Moretz, Christoper Mintz-Plasse, John Leguizamo

 

“Kick-Ass 2” is the sequel to 2011’s R-rated superhero flick, “Kick-Ass” and sees the return of your favorite titular hero joining forces with Jim Carrey’s ‘Colonel Stars and Stripes’ to fight crime again. Expecting more Hit-Girl badassery, please.

 

17. “The Grandmaster”

Directed by Kar Wai Wong

Starring Ziyi Zhang, Tony Leung, Cung Le, Chen Chang, Kye-kyo Song

 

What has basically amounted to Asia's response to "The Matrix", "The Grandmaster" is another biopic of Ip-Man, the legendary mentor that trained Bruce Lee. However, this looks way more styialized and has quite a stellar cast, including the beautiful Ziyi Zhang and Tony Leung as Yip Man.

 

16. “The Great Gatsby”

Directed by Baz Luhrmann

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey MacGuire, Carey Mulligan, Isla Fisher, Joel Edgerton

 

It’s not pathetic at all that I’m looking forward to this. Based on the classic novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The Great Gatsby” is about an eccentric millionaire playboy whose world is shattered by a shifting society. It also stars Carey Mulligan and the actor formerly known as Spider-Man.

 

15. “Insidious Chapter 2”

Directed by James Wan

Starring Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Barbara Hershey, Lin Shaye, Ty Simpkins

 

James Wan is back (and the crowd goes wild) with the second part of his modern horror hit, “Insidious”. This basically picks up where the last one left off, so as not to spoil anything, you know more or less what to expect. I’m just psyched with anything James Wan does (no homo). A modern horror legend in the making if he nails this.

 

14. “Gravity”

Directed by Alfonso Cuaron

Starring George Clooney, Sandra Bullock

 

Literally nothing is known about this film other than its directed by the guy who did “Children of Men” and stars two Hollywood A-listers. There’s speculation about what this is, and some have even said it was all shot in one long tracking shot. Even if that’s not true, you can still expect something similar. (see: “Children of Men”).

 

13. “Elysium”

Directed by Neill Blomkamp

Starring Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, Sharlto Copley, William Fichtner, Alice Braga

 

The following film has been approved by a Proudly South African. “Elysium” is director Neill Blomkamp’s follow-up to “District 9”, a heavy-handed political sci-fi action about… well, people in mech-suits. And a bald Matt Damon. That’s about all I have. Get hyped!

 

12. “Man of Steel”

Directed by Zack Snyder

Starring Henry Cavill, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon, Amy Adams, Kevin Costner

 

Christopher Nolan presents Superman! Directed by Zack Snyder, the enigmatically titled “Man of Steel” is about Superman’s origins, and facing off against General Zod. Why is it so anticipated? Well, why the f*** not? This may actually be a Superman film done justice.

 

11. “The Place Beyond The Pines”

Directed by Derek Cianfrance

Starring Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Dane DeHaan, Rose Byrne, Ray Liotta

 

Derek Cianfrance is a talented and promising director, having the most sane and happy people rip their hair out and feel melancholic as hell with 2010’s “Blue Valentine”, now he returns to make us feel that way again. Or maybe not. It tells the tale of a motorcycle stunt rider who becomes a bank robber to provide for his family, but butts heads with the wrong side of the law. I’ve only heard amazing things about this film, so amazing is what I shall expect.

 

10. “The Wolverine”

Directed by James Mangold

Starring Hugh Jackman, Will Yun Lee, Brian Tee, Tao Okamoto, Hiroyuki Sanada

 

You have no idea how badly I want this one to be R-rated. Just for the fact that we can see Wolverine in bloody fashion tearing up mother-effers. The X-Men poster child travels to Japan after following a samurai warrior. And there’s no other reason to be excited. Wolverine + Japanese people = blood-pumping, stylish action. Emphasis on the “blood” (crosses fingers).

 

9. “The Conjuring”

Directed by James Wan

Starring Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Joey King, Ron Livingston, Hayley McFarland

 

Oh, don’t think “Insidious 2” would be the only James Wan film on this list! “The Conjuring” is about real-life paranormal investigators who stumble upon a very special case on a farm. And the reaction for those who have seen it so far say its something to be afraid of. Very afraid.

 

8. “Iron Man 3”

Directed by Shane Black

Starring Robert Downey Jr, Gwenyth Paltrow, Ben Kingsley, Guy Pearce, Don Cheadle

 

“Iron Man 3” picks up after the events of “The Avengers”. Tony Stark is still wrestling with the fact that the world almost ended and he nearly killed himself by way of nuclear bomb. And just when things look dark, well they get darker with the arrival of a new terrorist’s face. And he ain’t wearing a breathing mask.

 

7. “The World’s End”

Directed by Edgar Wright

Starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Rosamund Pike, Paddy Considine

 

Here’s another comedy about the apocalypse, but this time: it’s British. “The World’s End” is Edgar Wright’s tale of a group of drunk misfits who suddenly become humanity’s only hope for survival when the world starts to end. From the team behind “Hot Fuzz” and “Shaun of The Dead” comes another comedy goldmine.

 

6. “Only God Forgives”

Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn

Starring Ryan Gosling, Kristen Scott Thomas, Tom Burke, Yayaying, Vithaya Pansringarm

 

From the director of “Drive” comes another Gosling collaboration. A Bangkok police lieutenant squares off with a ruthless gangster in a boxing match. With a soundtrack by M83 and lots of stylish violence, this is one for the notice boards. “Drive” being one of my favorite films of all time, I’m extremely excited for the teams next venture.

 

5. “Star Trek Into Darkness”

Directed by J.J. Abrams

Starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Simon Pegg, Benedict Cumberbatch, Zoe Seldana

 

As a Star Wars geek, I just recently put aside my Trekkie indifferences to watch J.J. Abrams’ take on “Star Trek” in 2009. I ate my words. It was a phenomenally exciting and well-made film, so its only fair that I gave the trailer for “Star Trek: Into Darkness” another shot, and I found myself in awe. Live long and prosper, Mr. Abrams, god of the geeks (sorry, Joss Whedon).

 

4. “Pacific Rim”

Directed by Guillermo Del Toro

Starring Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Hunnam, Ron Perlman, Charlie Day

 

Imagine a film where giant monsters from beneath the Earth rise up to cause havoc, and humanities answer to that is gigantic robots to fight them off. And it was directed by Guillermo Del Toro. Yeah, “Pacific Rim” rustled my jimmies. Watch the trailer if you’re in doubt of this being another “Transformers”. Michael Bay is screaming in his career’s grave.

 

3. “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug”

Directed by Peter Jackson

Starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Benedict Cumberbatch, Cate Blanchette, Christopher Lee

 

Part 2 of the trilogy to “The Hobbit” sees Bilbo Baggins continuing his journey to Mordor, I mean, er… The Lonely Mountain with the loveable dwarves and pointy-hat wizard to reclaim their gold and fight the dreaded dragon, Smaug. Now that “The Unexpected Journey” has come and gone, it’s time to pick up the pace and deliver a truly epic experience.

 

2. “Sin City: A Dame To Kill For”

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Ray Liotta, Jessica Alba, Josh Brolin

 

In case you didn’t catch that casting list, look it up again. “Sin City: A Dame to Kill For” is the sequel to Rodriguez’s dark crime fantasy, and continues the tales of people living in the grime and grit of society. Now with added JGL in the leading role. And if it weren’t for his involvement in the project, I wouldn’t be as excited, but nonetheless this is shaping up to be one storm of a sequel.

 

1. “Evil Dead”

Directed by Fede Alvarez

Starring Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Jessica Lucas, Lou Taylor Pucci, Elizabeth Blackmore

 

Well, here it is. My most anticipated film of 2013, and it’s a remake. But its not like any other remake, because this one is very special. Being helmed by the filmmakers of the original cult classic, plus a new seemingly talented director means that it could go in all different directions, but my anticipation is only driving me to see this as nothing short of spectacular. Sam Raimi expressed himself about the original not entirely being the vision he wanted, so with the development of modern technology, lord knows what boundaries this film is capable of pushing… judging from the trailer, quite a bit.
 

Honorable Mentions: "S-VHS", "The Lone Ranger", "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire", "Thor: The Dark World", "To The Wonder"

J.J. Abrams To Direct Star Wars Episode VII

J.J. Abrams to don the new Star Wars

Oh, you know I just had to talk about this one. The big news this week and on everyone's minds (at least in the film community) is that fanboy god J.J. Abrams will be directing the seventh Star Wars installment, produced by Disney with a script by Michael Ardnt (writer of "Little Miss Sunshine" and "Toy Story 3").

 

As for a few new elements to the blog, I've decided to update it whenever I can on exciting film news too, not just reviews. And this is the definition of exciting film news this week.

 

J.J. Abrams is somewhat of a textbook geek, having grown up watching Star Wars and eventually taking the dying Star Trek franchise and putting his own unique twist to it with 2009's successful reboot. With the release of this year's most anticipated sequel, "Star Trek: Into Darkness", Hollywood set their eyes on this talented nerd to helm Episode VII of the newly acquired Star Wars franchise, which was purchased by Disney after they also bought out LucasArts.

The script will be penned by Michael Ardnt, who was nominated for an Oscar for his work on "Little Miss Sunshine" and also recieved much acclaim for the brainy wit and heartwrenching maturity of "Toy Story 3". Now, all that was needed was a cherry on top of the cake, and J.J. Abrams was that cherry (no homo). I, for one, am extremely excited for this. It seems Hollywood might've actually got something right, and hired a suitable and very talented director for a franchise as big as this one. However, it seems the internet has been divided on this matter, which is utterly baffling for me considering how Abrams is so widely respected in the nerd/geek community. Some (like me) absolutely love the idea of Abrams tackling two big franchises involving big burning balls of gas in their titles, but there are the selected others who think only miniscule thoughts of this matter. "Oh no! He'll ruin it with lens flares!" or "Abrams? Well, what about Joss Whedon, the god of geeks whom I shall dropkick my imaginary girlfriend for to grovel at his feet!"... Well, I'll react to both of those. Personally, the lens flares aren't a problem for me. In fact, it's an Abrams trademark that may set him up for an auteur status in the near future, and it adds some depth and realism to the quality of the film. After all, human eyes aren't capable of crystal quality like cameras. And secondly, Joss Whedon will be up directing "The Avengers 2", another project which I am quite excited about, so there's not much room to squeeze in another big project for the 2015 trio of big summer blockbuster hitters (including "Justice League").

 

What's blowing my mind right now is even thinking about how close we are to 2015. It's a big time for big movies, especially in the summer, and with this news, I have no doubts that the crew involved will work their magic. Now, all we need is a solid cast and the Star Wars franchise is set for an awesome new chapter.

"The Notebook" Review

"The Notebook"

Directed by Nick Cassavetes
Starring Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, James Garner, Sam Shepard, Joan Allen

RATING
7/10

Dear love of mine,

There seems to be some odd confusion about my sexuality. Let me clear it right now for you, dear. I am a heterosexual male, yet I find exquisite beauty in films of the romance genre. Why does it compell me, you may ask? Well, perhaps it gives me hope, and makes me believe in something that could or could not exist in reality. Then again, that is what all genres are for. We have to believe the unbelievable, darling. It's a rare gift to experience it at least a few times in our lives, and though we may rise and fall in love like the intertwined characters of these films, we may never go down the same path or fill their shoes. Yet, I implore you to reconsider, there is much we can learn and much heartache we have to face before we understand the purpose of our love, and only then, perhaps fifty years in the distant future, may we die together in each others arms. So here's my gift to you... "The Notebook".

 

This auspicious film begins with a poor and very passionate young soul named Noah who goes about his days as a peasant, putting in effort to construct his perfect future and be seen in his fathers eyes as more than just a worker; a self-sustained and strong individual. And, dear, I would not be reciting this review unless it involved a twisted romance, and we have that with a very wealthy girl named Allie, whose chance encounter with Noah ignites a burning sensation within their hearts and a tale of family feud, lost values, and forbidden romance is born.

 

My love, in stating that "The Notebook" is one of the best romantic films of the last decade, I would be correct in assuming so. Perhaps it stacks up against other romantic films far more classier or elegant than this, say "(500) Days of Summer" or "Love Actually". Yet, this was brewed at a time when author Nicolas Sparks wasn't a walking parody of himself. Much more innocent times indeed, and in those innocent times did we happen to find this little piece. Now, don't get me wrong, I will always consider you my one and true love, for no amount of romantic movies can match the first time our eyes met, but I did find another love within the great direction of this film. Nick Cassavetes does marvelous work, and I applaud his style. It is quite unique and keeps you engaged thoroughly. And in Rachel McAdams did I find a calm performance, though it never quite reaches the devotion of the male lead, Mr. Ryan Gosling. Ah, before the days when man-crushes were handed out like pamphlets with every viewing of "Drive", Gosling was a rising star in his own way. He accepted films that challenged us, and now, he has given us a romance to remember him for (yes, "Blue Valentine" was good, but darling, this was the role he will forever be remembered for in the eyes of those who were love-struck by "The Notebook"). Many would consider the structure of this film to be quite remarkably cliched, but keep in mind, this was the first to spark Sparks' infamous line of romance films, and to an extent, it really works and manages to satisfy even the most hardened film fanatics.

 

However, the film does indeed faulter on a few occasions, dear. And while its structure was complimented in the previous comment, perhaps it would also be correct to say that it brings the film down a few notches. It does become predictable, and at times feels all too familiar. Well, that's because this thieving author Nicolas Sparks rehashed and repeated the same formula for this film countless times in his novels to the point where it becomes routine and predictable. And yes, I know I am being unfair with its judgment given the time it was released, but I blame the author and Hollywood for devouring our conscious taste for new romance films and spitting out the same ball of dung responsible for degrading past works. As a standalone film, "The Notebook" is acceptedly very good, but alas, Hollywood has managed to tarnish its legacy repeatedly.

 

Now, my love, as I approach my final dying words, I leave you with this last and concluding message: "The Notebook" is worth watching, and it does not matter of race nor age, there is much to be admired and much to be desired too. While a set of future events have threatened this otherwise solid films structure to predictability, it still holds as a piece of cinematic work worthy of the attention of any lover, even if it meant falling in love with a brick. It shall resonate a deep desire within you to experience love once again... the right way.

 

Sincerely,

A hopeless romantic

"Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" Review

"Mortal Kombat: Annihilation"

Directed by John R. Leonetti
Starring Robin Shou, Talisa Soto, James Remar, Sandra Hess, Brian Thompson

RATING
1/10

The tagline for the film literally says "Destroy All Expectations". I couldn't have picked a better tagline myself. If you read my review of the first "Mortal Kombat" movie, you see that I quite enjoyed it and accepted it for the cheeseball it was. I also somehow applauded Paul W.S. Anderson, and that's quite shocking to me, knowing I have the capability to praise a reasonably terrible director. Well, I'm about to sing some more praises to Mr. Anderson today, because I really wish he directed this movie instead of John R. Leonetti. Then maybe we would've had a cheesy but highly entertaining flick like the last one. But alas, Hollywood realized the potential of this actually being a decent video game-to-film adaptation, and completely f***ed it up to make a quick buck.

 

"Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" picks up from where the last film left off. Liu Kang and his sunshine pals arrive in the temples of the monks to celebrate Shang Tsung's defeat, but are quickly interrupted by Shao Kahn, ruler of the Outworld (aka. Bad Guy world) and his henchmen consisting of a constipated-looking faun, a muscular indian woman with four arms who couldn't act her way out of a cardboard box, a red guy who basically has no distinguished qualities, and Shao Kahn's undead wife who is ridiculously hot but unfortunately void of any acting abilities too. Long story short, Shao Kahn kills Johnny Cage very anti-climactically, and Liu Kang and sunshine pals are forced to literally go underground to fend themselves against the wrath of Kahn (bad pun).

 

Believe me when I say, this movie has no redeeming qualities. At all. None. Not even the music. Yeah, the opening credits gets you pumped and the fight between Sub-Zero and Scorpion is only decent, but there is nothing else I can give this film credit for. Not even Robin Shou is likable in this film because, well, he's a wooden puppet for 99% of it. Then a giant, terribly rendered CGI dragon, but we'll get to that later. I really don't care if I'm going to spoil things in this review because I strongly advise you, for your own health and state of mind, to avoid this trainwreck. I thought it would be something nostalgic, and hopefully let the nostalgia overpower the weak points of the film. I remembered watching it religiously as a kid. Well, now I just want to build a time machine so I could go back and beat that little kid across the face with a steel bat. So let's talk more about the acting... There is no acting. It's a freaking staged opera with rave music and one-liners so cheesy, they actually hurt. In case you also didn't notice, a lot of the original cast is replaced by new actors. I'm assuming that's because they read the script and probably threw up on it or used it for toilet paper afterwards. Christopher Lambert said "hell no" to Raiden returning and passed it over to James Remar, who gets a crew cut. Yes, they gave Raiden a crew cut hairstyle... Besides that, Ashby who played Cage in the last movie was replaced by a generic-looking dude. He gets killed off literally four minutes into the movie, without a word of dialogue. I can see why he passed on that glorious opportunity to be in for four whole minutes. Replaced in the movie is also Sonya. She's just about as useful as a piece of sticky tape that gets stuck to your shoe, only the tape can act better too.

 

Moving onto the action scenes... When the first scene in the entire film is a fight between Raiden and Shao Kahn, and it sucks, you know you're in for something special. The editing is so extremely choppy and distracting, it makes the technical work in wrestling look professional. You can't tell whether someone lands a hit or not, and it all amounts to a game of "guess who's winning". Chances are, you'll always lose. And while there are twice as much fights in this as the first film, it hardly means anything other than to introduce characters from the game for a few minutes before killing them off, and they don't even have the courtesy to do with a fatality. There's clashes between Sonya and Mileena, Jax and Cyrax, Liu Kang and Smoke... oh yeah, Shao Kahn kills Rain. I didn't even know he was in the movie until he died. Poor bastard. The visual effects? I bet they just hired a bunch of five-year olds to be on the visual effects team, and paid them in Pokemon cards. The climax of this film was a display of some of the absolute worst CGI I have ever bared witness to. Shao Kahn and Liu Kang inexplicably transform into giant monsters. It's never explained why or how, but it just happens. I guess because the director left the set of the film an hour before and gave the director's seat to a chimpanzee. You may have realized I didn't go too deep into the plot, but considering there is no plot to analyse, I'll just pretend the random chance encounters and incomprehensible twists actually meant something.

 

In short, "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" is a gigantic fart bomb on the legacy of this great franchise. Why anyone would dare make such a movie, I don't know, but it seemed to earn its bucks in the end of the day. It is one of the worst movies in the world, and I beg everyone to never go near this. If you're into laughable dialogue, random and poorly conceived fight scenes, a lack of substance or character, virtually no plot, and an abundance of bad CGI... I still recommend you see those cheesy kung-fu flicks at 3 in the morning on the week day.

"Mortal Kombat" Review

"Mortal Kombat"

Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring Christopher Lambert, Robin Shou, Linden Ashby, Talisa Soto, Chris Casamassa

RATING
6/10

How I love the smell of blood and gore in the morning... That came out wrong... I was referring to "Mortal Kombat", the bloodiest and most entertaining video game to ever grace the world of modern technology. But with every ying, there is a yang. Hollywood was quick to capitalize on the impact of video games in the 80's and 90's, and out came a endless array of shitty films based on popular video games that didn't make any logical sense and pretty much were made with the intention of grabbing some hard cash from suckers willing to see it. Among these shit-stains were "Super Mario Bros." and "Street Fighter". When all hope was lost, a director stepped up to the challenge, and his name was Paul W.S. Anderson (to our everlasting shame, this was the idiot that spawned a generation of crappy movies later in his career, but for the time, I say he was alright). And he delivered a kick to the balls with this surprisingly solid video game adaptation: So without further a due...

(best advised you listen to this song as you continue reading this review)

 

"Mortal Kombat" is the story of Liu Kang, a self-exiled fighter who flees to America in search of a better life. But on his long departure, his younger brother is killed by a warlord named Shang Tsung, and returns home to seek vengeance. He teams up with Raiden, a mystical weirdo who can shoot lighting bolts out of his hands, and meets up with a few other colourful characters before setting out on a journey to Shang Tsung's private islands, where a tournament called "Mortal Kombat" is about to begin... and it pits fighters against some of the most ridiculously awesome supernatural beings on Earth.

 

And much to my surprise, this was something actually done right on Hollywood's part (well, mostly). It was very faithful to source material, it gathered actors who fit their characters perfectly, and promised what video game junkies were hoping for in a movie about people beating each other to a bloody pulp: people beating each other to a bloody pulp. Being based only on the first game, you won't see much of the other characters (until the sequel, I guess) but with the characters they have at their disposal, the filmmakers and designers do a bang-up job of bringing them to life like the video games' living counterparts. Even though I have seen Robin Shou in other movies, this guy will always be Liu Kang. He embodies his role, and you get on his side every time because he also brings a tough-guy charisma to the cast. And speaking of tough-guy acts, Johnny Cage is in the film, played by Linden Ashby, who does a great job of being an even bigger douchebag with a heart than in the games. And of course, you have B-movie royalty with Christopher Lambert as the thunder god Raiden, who once again proves he is the only man to make wooden acting very convincing. I can't really say much about the other characters, they're pretty much expendable and you don't really care about them (the guy who played Shang Tsung was legit, though). Of course, you do get the badass fights with Scorpion and Sub-Zero, and they're more than welcome as bad guys, but somewhere along the line the writers seemingly got tired of them and chose to take the Jack Dawson route with their characters. After all, what's a MK movie without a few fatalities? 

 

  

 

The film's strong points lie within its surprisingly accurate depiction of character, fight scenes, and the blood-pumping opening credits. Even though they're PG-13 in every way, they still bring some heavy brutally and realism to them. For example, the fight with Scorpion and Johnny Cage is stunning to watch because of how gritty and dirty it is. It's not "The Matrix" or anything, or not as immaculately crafted, but its cheap quality is something that suits the tone of the film quite well. I wouldn't have liked to see it any other way besides a low-budget beat-them-to-death fest. This was also at a time when Paul W.S. Anderson wasn't infected by the bug of atrociously bad Hollywood cliches and rehashes and actually had a bit of credibility. His direction isn't bad, though it isn't the spark of greatness you were hoping for either. I say its adequate enough to satisfy your thirst for some fantasy action, and ultimately makes for a nicely paced and wildly entertaining ride. However, that's not to say the film is a masterpiece or anything. It had quite a bit of problems with it.

 

Goro, the four-armed menace of a monster, is a bulking animatronic mess. Sure, its accurate, but with the technology advance of "Jurassic Park" a couple of years prior to this, they could've at least pulled a few strings to not make him look like a walking potato sack. And on the topic of CGI, this isn't no visual classic either. It has some terrible graphics, especially from Reptile who was probably done by a five-year old on Microsoft Paint. It's all a bit underwhelming, and takes you out of the movie for a bit, but luckily it has the right amount of action dosage to keep you thoroughly entertained. It also has an abundance of cheesy one-liners, most of them coming from Johnny Cage, but I guess that was just being accurate to the video game. Viewers who aren't familiar with the game at all will find them strange, and possibly 95% of the movie strange. That's where the divide happens; fans of the games will appreciate this, while casual movie-goers will smite it with their mighty opinions. That said, this isn't a movie for the sweet normal folks. It's a hardcore fanboys product.

 

"Mortal Kombat" came at a time when video game-to-film adaptations were failing, and the wicked Hollywood machine raked in the riches. Thankfully, this little flick fell from the hells and delivered a solidly entertaining and thrilling adaptation. To this day, it's still the best one you will find. Despite some dodgy CGI and a script made of cottage cheese, it's all in the spirit of the video game and does plenty right to be able to please the fans. For others hoping to find something more in this, you're best off with "Dragonball: Evolution" or some bad kung-fu flick in the middle of the week at 3 in the morning. It's one strictly for the fans.





"Argo" Review

"Argo"

Directed by Ben Affleck
Starring Ben Affleck, John Goodman, Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin, Scoot McNairy

RATING
8/10

About 14 years ago, a couple of dopey college kids walked away with the Oscar for Best Screenplay, having written the Gus Van Sant-directed "Good Will Hunting". They were Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Now, one solidified his place as a tough action movie star, and the other became a directing force of nature. I was incredibly surprised at the talent Affleck possessed when I watched his previous two directorial efforts, the solemn peformance-driven piece, "Gone Baby Gone" and electrifying heist film, "The Town". He felt very comfortable behind the camera as much as he was in front of it, and proved to be a director to look out for in the future. Well, we're looking at him now. "Argo" is here.

 

"Argo" is the account of the joint CIA-Canadian secret operation to extract six American diplomats from Iran in the midst of a violent revolution in 1980. The operation is lead by Tony Mendez, a level-headed but smart CIA operative who conducts a devious way to bring them out of the war-torn country: to fake the filming of a silly, fake sci-fi movie called "Argo" and pretend the fugitives are members of the crew doing location scouting. Sounds far-fetched? Well, hold on to your butts. This is a true story.

 

I knew this was based on real-life events going in, but found myself constantly questioning the ludicrious nature of it all. A part of my brain still thinks this didn't happen, but Ben Affleck makes it work splendidly. His direction is the star of this film, simply because of how close-knit the script is and how he manipulates tension and suspense, especially in the last half hour. It's an amazing juggling act that Affleck pulls off like a pro. Performance-wise, there's quite a bit of talent on display here. Affleck does a great job as the subdued but calculated CIA operative, and makes it easy for us to get on his side, while John Goodman plays a make-up artist who helps in the creation of the faux movie. The two standouts here are Alan Arkin and Bryan Cranston, who bring a great balance of comedic and dramatic elements. The dark comedy works extremely well amidst the tension, and provides some relief but never strays far from its central focus.

The true magnetic power of "Argo" is, of course, the direction. I've never been so impressed with Affleck's technical work before, and really shows that this once-golden Hollywood boy has been growing as more than just a pretty face to be cast in atrociously bad movies (I'm looking at you, "Daredevil"). In the end, everything comes together so immaculately, from the directing to the performances to the incredibly tight suspense and anxiety levels. If, perhaps the only gripe I had was that the rest of the cast isn't given much screen time, especially Alan Arkin and John Goodman. I would've loved to see more of their bickering and witty remarks. The film also ends on a very solemn note which doesn't quite matter when you really think about it. All that matters is the journey of this incredible man to pull off quite possibly the craziest government operation in history.

 

"Argo" is well-acted, superbly written, and nail-bitingly suspenseful in its execution. It is, without a doubt, Affleck's best directed film to date, and I have a whole new-found respect for this guy (if "The Town" didn't already solidify that). I can only say, go see "Argo" immediately. It's definitely worth your time, even if true event-based movies aren't your thing. I'm assuming this will give you a good dose of reality, even if it means suspending disbelief on account of, well, a true event. Bare with me, I know how it sounds.