"2012" Review

"2012"

Directed by Roland Emmerich

Starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Thandie Newton, Woody Harrelson, Chiwetel Ejiofor

 

RATING

5/10

In commemoration of the enormous bullshit conspiracy theory that will strike us in T-minus 48 hours, let's talk about the movie based on this bullshit conspiracy theory. "2012" seemed like your regular apocalyptic fillm from a prolific end-of-the-world director, Roland Emmerich, whose work includes everything destructive from "The Day After Tomorrow" to "Independence Day". However, what separated "2012" from your normal end-of-the-world flick was that it was partially, or rather very imaginatively, based on a true theory. I use that term lightly. The Mayans predicted this downfall, and Hollywood jumped on the cha-ching bandwagon.

 

"2012" tells the tale of a writer, Jackson Curtis, going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. He drives limos for a living, and has a rough relationship with his two kids and ex-wife for some dull, generic reason. Meanwhile, governments and scientists all over the world discover that the plates beneath the Earth's crust are shifting and the mother of all natural disasters is about to reign hell on an unsuspecting, defenseless human race... but in other parts of the world, Jackson and his kids go camping. Yay. They discover a crazy redneck hillbilly in the middle of the woods who gives them a little insight into the situations at hand, tells them the world is gonna end based on the word of the Mayan calender... and now we have our flimsy plot.

 

"2012" was a film I was really interested in seeing. I knew I shouldn't have been so hyped for it, but my thirst for natural disaster movies stems all the way to my early childhood years, so I was hoping that this would be a nostalgic experience with killer visual effects... and boy, was it. The VFX was freaking fantastic, and it certainly quenched my thirst. Everything from enormous volcanos, collapsing cities, mountain-high tsunamis, and hundreds of tornados grouped in one location. It was jaw-dropping seeing the magnum opus destructive force of mother nature in glorious motion. One particular scene that just wowed me was the sequence of large tsunamis roaring 100-storeys high above the cities of the world and across mountains and valleys. I'll even give it the benefit of the doubt and say the visuals and cinematography was near immaculate when it comes to big-budget Hollywood entertainment. I really do mean that. It was very well done. However, when the film slowed down and dedicated time to the characters, that is when the real problems began.

 

The character development is weak, and the script itself is a bit of a jumbled mess. It feels like, with such a massive scope, the plot never really takes off like it should. You have an array of characters across the globe running from point A to point B, arguing, running some more, pause plot for ridiculously cool VFX sequence, continue with more running... that pretty much sums up the pacing and direction of the script. Roland Emmerich never really had a great script in any of his films because it seemed his story took a backseat to the impressive visuals. The acting, too, was outright horrible. Despite John Cusack giving it his best with the character, I never really bought him or got on his side... or any characters side for that matter. In fact, I was more on mother natures side (hell yeah!). I really like John Cusack as an actor, but this was just too thinly written for him to fully flesh out his acting chops other than running and screaming, which he does hilariously well. There's also plenty of big names in the supporting cast, including Woody Harrelson as a redneck hillbilly, but his role is no longer than ten minutes before he... well, literally bites the dust. That's not a spoiler, by the way. It's just a logical tripe for an end-of-the-world concept and a crazy person to meet some sort of demise. The climax of the film was really just eye-opening in a bad way. After everything that happens, the film takes a turn into some really illogical territory and just begins to line up the cliches and overused gimmicks. It settles down with the characters, but you'd be wishing you were rather out there watching how the rest of the world is crumbling. Also, in terms of running length, it does overstay its welcome by about 40-50 minutes and you'd be wishing certain scenes would move much faster. For a film of such epic proportions, it's running time might be justified, but given the poorly written script, it just ends up being too long.

 

"2012" is a fun popcorn flick with plenty of spectacular visual effects and exciting grand-scaled destruction, but for those who would like a little meat on their bones in terms of plot and story, there's not much to really sink your teeth into... or too much to chew for that matter. In the end, it might be the mother of all apocalyptic movies, but don't expect it to go further than visceral thrills.